What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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