you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
