By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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