I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
