If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
