We're facebook friends in real life
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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