I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
