Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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