He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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