would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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