All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
