He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
