Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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