so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
