I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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