Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
