My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize