I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize