look no pants
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
