garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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