ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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