If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
