This is not my ceiling
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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