omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
