I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
