can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pants are for mortals
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
