Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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