Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
