You made me cry and you don't even care
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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