Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
