I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
