she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
