I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
