Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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