Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
