i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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