When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize