My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My hand turned me down
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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