Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
