why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
