So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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