It's Friday. Sex?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
