I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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