I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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