I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
