I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
