Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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