yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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