I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
