90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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