Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
