i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
