My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
