i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
