At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
