Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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