i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
