STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
