Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's JV to your varsity
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
