How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
