I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
