Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
