I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
