I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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