I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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