oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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