I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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