Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
